


Pants, Pathos and Panto.

by areeskimosreal



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 08:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areeskimosreal/pseuds/areeskimosreal
Summary: A mistake by Steve causes some embarrassment after a family party.





	Pants, Pathos and Panto.

John remembered now why he didn't drink often, and even when he did, he didn't drink a lot. He wasn't hungover, but he wasn't feeling tickety boo either as his late dad would have said. He had a stomach like a washing machine and he was sure he must have been eating sand his mouth was so dry. He got up out of bed, a smiling Kayleigh lying next to him out for the count , God she could sleep. He headed downstairs and put the kettle on, looking at the clock he saw it was 4.37 AM. They hadn't gone to bet till after 2. Was this early morning or late night, who cares ?, a brew would sort him out, a brew and a few hobnobs. He smiled to himself as the kettle started to boil, it had been a great night, Him, Kayleigh, Mandy and Steve out for an Indian then back to John and Kayleigh's for a nightcap, three bottles of wine, half a dozen cans and the best part of a bottle of Jack Daniels later they hit the sack, Steve and Mandy staying overnight in the spare room, Brenda only too happy to keep Alfie and Chloe for a sleepover.

“ Ah that's better “ John said sipping his piping hot brew, “ Tetley the tea of champions “ he chuckled.

He was sitting not thinking of anything in particular when he heard a toilet flush,

“ Eh up the coffin lids open” he thought. He listened but didn't hear anyone . 

A sudden voice speaking caused him to jump .

“ That kettle boiled is it ?” asked Mandy as she switched the light on, causing John to blink,he hadn't realised he was sitting in the dark.

“ No love, was a little time ago, will need reheated” 

“Okay John ta”

She walked past John, and he got a little flustered as he saw how she was dressed, or nearly. She had on short pink Brazilian short lacy panty things, and a skimpy vest top, John suddenly realised with rising horror that he was sat only in his boxers. Much to his dismay Mandy proceeded go switch on the kettle and then lean over the worktop, standing on tiptoe to look out the kitchen window, he tried not to look, she was his wifes little sister after all, but he was a human Male.

Mandy was a good two or three inches taller than Kayleigh, narrower across the hips John thought , her hair was red, but not as red as Kayleigh's but much longer, she was long legged, but had scars on her calves where her “ various veins “ as Kayleigh jokingly called them had been done, it looked as if she shared her sisters disdain of hair anywhere below the neck, she appeared to have an all over tan, and she was nowhere as busty as her big sister, all told she was a very pretty looking woman. John decided he wouldn't look at her too long, it wasn't right

The upstairs toilet flushed again but there was no sound of anyone joining them. 

“ John ?” Mandy said turning to face him. 

“ What love” 

“ Wanna top up “ she smiled nodding to his mug. 

“ Yea thanks “ 

“ That was a good night wasn't it John?”   

“ Aye love it was, a nice family do “

“ Yes family all of us it's nice”

The kettle boiled and Mandy filled her cup then filled John's.

“ Are you as embarrassed as me?” Mandy suddenly asked.

“ About what ?” John pretended he didn't know.

“ About us being here together in our underwear basically “ she smiled shyly,  the first time John had ever seen her appear shy.

“ Now you mention it , aye a bit “

“ Well it's done now eh, I mean when we all go on holiday, I'll wear a bikini and you'll wear shorts,  so we're just seeing each other a bit earlier”

“ Aye I suppose you're right Mandy, let's hold that thought eh “

“ Could have been worse, I mean Kayleigh talked me into wearing this vest top of hers, wouldn't have normally “

“ No ?”

“ No just pants normally, but anyway you're used to Dolly Parton up there, I'm flat chested compared to her , look she fills this bloody thing”

By way of demonstration Mandy proceeded to pull the vest top out to show how big it was, unfortunately she pulled down and forwards, accidentally flashing a gobsmacked John.

“ Shit John did I just ?”

“ Uh huh “

“ Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I've made things worse, talk about being embarrassed and then do that”

“ Accidents happen love “

“ God nip down for a cuppa and end up showing me brother in law Pinky and Perky “

“ Pinky and Perky, that's your names for them is it ?”.

“ Yes” a blushing Mandy said.

“ Cagney and Lacey, Pinky and Perky is there no plain left and right anymore ?”  

“ Mums are called Starsky and Hutch “

“ TMI  Mandy seriously love stop “ John laughed.

“ Anyway John,  I just want to say thanks, “

“ I had a good time tonight too”

“ I meant for saving Kayleigh “

“ Eh! save her how love?”

“ By loving her and by letting her know how much you love her “

“ Don't need thanks for that Mand, she loves me back “

“ Kayleigh had been hurt too many times to count, arsehole after arsehole, all of them chasing a good time, all full of promises and bullshit, only interested in her looks and bust, and she believed everyone was better than the last, she pretended to the world she was okay, but she wasn't John not by a long chalk. Each one that hurt her left a scar, those emotional scars were getting deeper with every disappointment. Do you know why she never went out without makeup?”

“ Likes to look good “ John answered.

“ Wrong , it was armour John, she hid behind it, people are seeing it they're not seeing her, it's a mask to hide behind, it can smile even when she can't. She pretended to me and Kieron that she was loving life, partying,  out with friends and having a good time. She doesn't know how many times I've sat outside her old room listening to her crying, crying with her but not being able to let on I know she's hurting ‘cause that would hurt her even more, knowing I felt sorry for her, wishing I could share my happiness. All she ever wanted was to be loved John,  she wanted to have someone really love her, and she would love him back, heart soul, her very being. She was so close to giving up, and I don't know what would have happened then, it really worried us, all of us. Then all of a sudden car share happened, you happened, she got loved , and she loved back in spades, you gave me my, happy, kooky, funny, lust for life big sister back, you saved her John and I thank you so much for that, I'll always be grateful. That's why I was opposed to you at first, I thought you were just another effing chancer, like the ones before you, I worried you might be the one to break her, instead you built her up, made her whole again. Sorry I was such a bitch to you “  

John was crying, he just nodded to Mandy as she got up, squeezed his hand, kissed the top of his head and silently walked up the stairs. 

A few minutes later she was back down giggling. 

“ What? “ John asked smiling.

“ Must have been Steve we heard in the loo, he's went back to the wrong room, he's in with Kayleigh “

“ What ?”

“ They're lying nose to nose in your bed”

“ They'll be mortified when they find out” John muttered.

“ Come on John, this is too good an opportunity to miss”

John followed Mandy up the stairs , a bit too closely perhaps but he was a human Male he reminded himself, again.

They slowly opened the bedroom door, and went in.

Mandy had one arm around John's upper arm and was holding his wrist with her other hand, she pulled him close as they sneaked up alongside the bed, John felt slightly uncomfortable but decided to go with the flow. Mandy giggled when she saw Steve had his arm out the duvet and across Kayleigh.

“ Ready ?” Mandy asked and then smiling she reached down and turned the lamp on.

The sudden light caused both Steve and Kayleigh to stir slightly.

“ STEVE, what the hell is going on here ?“ Mandy shouted.

“ KAYLEIGH  explain yourself for God's sake woman” John joined in , he and Mandy winking at each other.

Kayleigh woke with a start , opening her eyes at the same time as Steve. She screamed and sat up, pulling the duvet up round her neck, when she realised where they were.

“ Steve, you effing pervert what fuck are you doing in my bed you sick sick bastard, get the fuck out of here you dirty dirty animal, JOHN, JOHN,JOHN !!” she shouted. “ you filthy perverted bastard “ she continued, throwing a pillow and her hair brush at a bewildered Steve.

“ Christ Kayleigh get off me, I'm married to your sister, fucks sake “ Steve jumped out of bed as if he'd had an electric shock.

Suddenly Steve and Kayleigh noticed John and Mandy standing stony faced, staring at them arms crossed.

“ It's not how it looks” The bed mates said together, looking at each other with suspicion. 

It was only when John and Mandy started laughing that Kayleigh and Steve relaxed.

Twenty minutes later they were all at the table in the kitchen, having a brew the whole story having been told. 

“ Sooo Amanda and Jonathan, let us get this right, whilst my blameless brother and law here”  Steve raised his hand, “ and I were blissfully asleep unaware of each other's presence I might add, you two were sitting together down here, alone, wide awake in nothing but your underwear, is that right, oh and I forgot you had your chesticles out at one point Amanda , that doesn't sound the least bit suspicious, does it Steve ?”Kayleigh said jokingly.

Steve shook his head in agreement. 

“ Guilty as charged sis “ Mandy  giggled.” bang to rights , we did have a conversation whilst nearly naked yes”

“ We maintained eye contact at all times , didn't we Mandy ?” John asked straight faced.

“ Obviously John, and we maintained a discreet distance at all times “ Mandy sniggered.

“ I know were all close but Jesus, what a night this has been” Steve said “ talk about keeping it in the family “

 

The wished each other good night although it was daylight already and headed back for another few hours sleep. In their own beds .

“ John ?” Kayleigh said loudly as they went up,” I want a bolt on the door, to keep strangers out “

“ Mandy?”

“ What ?”

“ Get your bra on love, don't want John's mind turned do we “ she giggled.

“ Steve?”

“ What Kayleigh? “

“ Thanks for the memories “ she was still laughing to herself when the room door shut.


End file.
